Dear Universe, your beloved author recently returned to Los Angeles, where he discovered to his ultimate surprise, that Choco Pie had diversified. “Where was Banana Flavored Choco Pie when I was five, six, seven years old?” he asked Mother. “Where was Banana Flavored Choco Pie when I was in LA for thirty years?”

The following day, he woke up to an early Christmas present. Or late Christmas present, depending on how you look at it; it was mid-May. “Where did the Banana Choco Pie come from?” he asked Mother, and Mother replied, “I went to Plaza Market and got it for you.”

“Why would you do that?” he said.

“Because you said you wanted it,” she said.

This was uncharacteristic of Mother. Ultra Kwon saw himself now in a 90’s sitcom, asking the obligatory line: “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?”

But what actually came out of his mouth was: “Why, Mother? Why?”

“I thought you wanted it,” she said.

“But you don’t usually do that,” he said.

“Why would you go and do something you don’t usually do?” he said.

He went back to reading A Crack in Space by Philip K Dick, but his concentration was flummoxed by the recent events. In order to move on with his life, he had to rationalize that Mother had in fact done exactly the opposite of what he wanted, by upsetting his expectations.

Thus, he said to himself, Mother is not an alien impostor.

Thus he could find his place in the book.

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